


Harry Hart is Unfuckable

by WayWorseThanScottish



Series: all ur favs are ace [13]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Gen, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 01:41:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7020361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WayWorseThanScottish/pseuds/WayWorseThanScottish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Hart has never really had time for relationships, and honey pot missions don't quite appeal to him the same way they seem to appeal to his colleagues. But it's alright, because it suits him just fine.</p><p>And Eggsy? Well, Eggsy's alright with it too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harry Hart is Unfuckable

If there was one thing that still made him uncomfortable after the multitude of years in the spy business, it certainly was using sex for information.

Harry knew that he wasn’t quite as willing as his associates to lure a mark with an innuendo and promises of more, much to Merlin’s amusement. Most of Kingsman had assumed that Harry had simply too much of the gentleman in him, though how that mixed with his ease of violence he didn’t presume to understand.

When he was younger, his aristocratic father had told him that he’d have to continue the Hart line, and marry some pretty girl of a good upbringing. That hadn’t really meant much when he was younger, and didn’t impact him in his teen years either as he’d just… not dated anyone. He was just too busy. Then his father died as did the whole blood-line concept, and so Harry’d never paid another thought to it.

Of course after his university years, his mother had started to ask why he hadn’t brought anyone home, and wouldn’t accept “busy with work” as an answer, even when it was the truth when he’d joined Kingsman. For a few years, she’d feared he was gay—rude that she was afraid, honestly—but she seemed to accept his permanent bachelor-dom after he turned 30 with no signs of loneliness and not a love interest in sight.

All in all, however, the whole sexual thing wasn’t a daily factor in his life. It was rare that a Kingsman agent formed attachments, and it was considered taboo to do so anyway, so really he had had no issue for the longest time.

Merlin, of course, seemed to agree with Harry on the more important matters, but always seemed ready to argue the smaller things. The best tea brand, the importance of shoe design, such things were a constant argument between them, but perhaps the most brought up disagreement of all was the sex thing.

 Merlin enjoyed it; would frequently… frequent places where he could find someone with which to spend the night. Supposedly Merlin had a variety of disguises and relished in sharing the made-up back stories he’d created, which always endeared him to whomever he was trying to get closer to. Honestly Harry suspected Merlin liked the magic of hiding in plain sight, and the quasi-intimacy of sharing all you are with someone.

And it was funny, really, when Eggsy had first met Harry. Well, when they had first met as adults, that is. Eggsy seemed to think that Harry was some sort of suave gentleman (well, he’d worked hard for that appearance) but no, it wasn’t that that was so funny. It was that Eggsy had immediately assumed Harry wanted sexual favours, and when he had mentioned the whole spy thing, Eggsy thought that Harry must have a string of women any day of the week (damned James Bond films).

And really, that was fine. Harry even encouraged it, since Eggsy became more enthused with the prospect of targeting marks with sex, and with Kingsman as a whole. And Harry was _fond_ of Eggsy, so what was the harm?

Which, really, he should have known better.

It was a shock to Merlin when Harry dropped the “pop your cherry” line about change room two, and news had travelled fast that Harry was quickly becoming a dirty old man around Eggsy.

And so, when he’d had those 24 hours with Eggsy, teaching him the very best etiquette and how to make the perfect martini, it was perfectly fair that Eggsy would proposition him. Much to Harry’s discomfort.

When Harry had grimaced as Eggsy sauntered towards him, Eggsy adopted a look of horror and immediately stepped back. “Er, sorry there, bruv, musta been readin the wrong signals or something,” Eggsy muttered, blushing and looking interestedly at the ceiling. “I’ll just, um…”

“I’m afraid the fault is my own, my dear boy,” Harry confessed. “And while I am _fond_ of you, I would never presume to-“

“Nah, bruv, s’alright, jus really liked you, is all,” Eggsy bit his lip. “Do ya mind if I just, um, take a bit to sort out me head, ‘n stuff?”

Harry’s brow furrowed. No, this wasn’t what he had meant to happen at all. “I’d just like to make one thing clear, Eggsy, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, you see, I’d hate for you to think that your feelings are unreciprocated,” Harry began, hiding a smile as Eggsy looked up at him with hope. “However, it’s not encouraged according to Kingsman policy, to which you fall under regardless of the results of the final test. You see, it can be a bit of a liability to have someone you value so much on the field with you, and priorities can become… fuzzy.”

“Fuzzy?”

Harry cleared his throat. Lord, this was an uncomfortable conversation. “Yes, and in addition to all of the bureaucracy, I regret to inform you that I wouldn’t be interested in… the, well, _sexual_ aspect of such a partnership, and I’m not quite sure if you’ve thought through the ramifications of such a relationship.”

Eggsy frowned, then nodded. “Right, so, from my understanding of things, you, uh…” he trailed off. “You’re interested, but maybe later, yeah? After the final test, and maybe some paperwork with Merlin and whatever? ‘Cuz you said _discouraged_ not, like, _forbidden._ So, I gotta think more about it, and try again later, yeah?”

Harry chuckled tiredly.

Which wasn’t really as he’d expected, if Harry was honest with himself. He’d imagined this conversation (of course he had, luck comes to those who are prepared and Harry always endeavoured to think of a variety of scenarios before going through with an action) and from his imaginings, Eggsy had always been a touch disappointed but relatively understanding. He hadn’t expected the tenacity and stubbornness, which really, he should’ve accounted for.

Also. Eggsy didn’t seem to be fazed or even question the sex thing.

“My dear boy, while I admire your… persistence… is it really worth a relationship with an older man who won’t provide you with sexual gratification and will probably die in the next decade due to a dangerous job?” Harry smiled gently. “And needless to say I can’t give you a child either.”

“Well no shit, Harry,” Eggsy said, grinning. “All those things, not an issue. An’ I swear, once I pass this test and get all the paperwork and whatever done, you an I are gonna totally—“

“Um.”

“ _Cuddle.”_

 _“_ What?”

“Ya heard me.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Fine.”

“ _Yes, Harry!”_

**Author's Note:**

> hey! so this is my first fic in like a year, so it's pretty rough, but hopefully my next few fics will go a little smoother. Also! All my faves are ace and Harry Hart is a fave.


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